Sunday, October 16, 2011


work·a·hol·ic [wurk-uh-haw-lik, -hol-ik]

a person who works compulsively at the expense of other pursuits.

Yeah... I've realized I totally fall under that category. Is it a category? Or more just a group of people who can't stand being bored with nothing to do?
I've just finished production on 'Clayman'. I had an AMAZING time! Everyone, entire cast and crew was nothing less than professional and kind. Had a great time...
...but on the next day - when I had gotten back home, 'withdrawl' set in.
I have nothing to do.
Nothing at all.
I don't have a call time for tomorrow - I don't have scenes to break down - I don't have any lines to memorize...
...and I started freaking out.
"There's no business like show business like no business I know
Everything about it is appealing
Everything that traffic will allow
Nowhere could you get that happy feeling
When you are stealing that extra bow.."
Now I say 'freaking out' and you think, 'She's running around her house pulling out her hair' kind of freaking out. No, it's more an internal freaking out. I don't like vacations. I don't like not doing anything. I'm in this industry because I want to work - not only do I desire to do the work, I'm in absolute head over heels bat shit crazy LOVE with the work! I love acting, I love the business, I love being on set - everything.
Not working - not doing what I love...
....drives me NUTS.
So - I sit. I make calls to the agency, I spend absurd hours looking up projects. Make more phone calls than needed to people who won't, as of right now, see me important enough to call back.
Sometimes, it feels that way.
I had this talk with my good friend Ashley Gray not too long ago. Why in the world would any sane person have such a burning desire to be in this industry when all you seem to get is a door slammed in the face at every reach you try and make?
I can't think of it that way - it goes against my whole 'positive attitude' rule. But, it feels that way sometimes. I just had a couple great projects. Some, nothing will really come from - some fell apart - some had things happen beyond our control... but that's what happens! Welcome to the industry! I still love it. I can't help it. Above all, I learned something very valuable from everything I've done.
Like my mentor Lucille Ball says, you better take a learning experience from everything. You are able to learn from everything - so learn. And girlfriend, I sure do! Check and checkmate!
"..There's no people like show people
They smile when they are low
Even with a turkey that you know will fold
You may be stranded out in the cold
Still you wouldn't change it for a sack of gold
Let's go on with the show.."
So - to fill my time - I've jumped on some projects as a producer. I haven't produced anything before - nor have I spent an extensive amount of time with producers to really understand what they go through, but holy bananas - it's insane! Sometimes, I want to pull my hair out. As much as I'm in love with the acting, I kinda dig producing, too.
There's no business like show business, I tell'ya.
But it's nice, being a workaholic, to fill my time with producing. It's a lot of work. I hear stories about other actors who have diva-fever, and think they're the big stink of that particular film. I have personally never felt that way, nor ever understood that thinking. Everyone is a part of this team. Without the script, there would be no actors. Without the actors, there would be no movie. Without the studio/investors, there would be no anything... so on and so forth. Everyone is important - and everyone should be treated equally.
But - man - my hat goes off to everyone. Really. I always see the crew busting their butts and want to help so badly, but I have no idea what to do outside of learn my lines. My appreciation for everyone has jumped through the roof.
"..There's no business like show business and I tell you it's so
Traveling through the country is so thrilling
Standing out in front on opening nights
Smiling as you watch the theater filling
And there's your billing out there in lights.."
A film family is just that - a family. The crew, everyone, is your family for the time you're working with them. I have been so blessed to be with amazing people. I truly believe everyone comes into your life for a reason, and I am happy to call most of my 'film family members' - life long friends.
You all know who you are... thank you. I love you. All of you.
Anywhoo - I think this was my 'workaholic' venting. Clearly, you can see I've spent roughly... Eeh.... 9-12 mins typing this thing... not so much, but'cha know - give or take. There are other things this workaholic needs to go do!
"..Yesterday they told you you would not go far
That night you open and there you are
Next day on your dressing room they've hung a star
Let's go on with the show!"
I'd classify this - random rambling? Copy.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

bring back the good old days

I live in classic Hollywood.

The 'Golden Age'.

I live at RKO.

The studio that brought you Lucille Ball, Kathrine Hepburn - Gable, Wayne, Fred & Ginger. Bette Davis, Orson Wells, and Hitchcock. I live with the real stars. I am one with the legends.

I'm in the days of 'cattle call' success, chances, and hope. Believing in one another. Sharing experiences, and getting opportunity.

I am a member of the 'studio system'. Contract players. I work for the umbrella. I am a part of the 'pay it forward' and 'help out the dreamers' program Lela Rogers runs - the little theater. I want to be born here - like so many others.

I ride my bike into the lot past Orson, Gable, Ginger and others. I share their trailers. They teach me their lessons. They give me a chance. I am contracted into 7 movies this year... RKO helps me audition for each. RKO places me. RKO gives me my dreams.

Lela pushes me on. Cary Grant gives me words of encouragement. Robert Mitchum tells me how he started here. They all wish me well, and keep me going. They invite me to their family studio outings, refer me to castings, dress me in gowns I can't afford to meet people I would have never otherwise known.

David O. Selznick, Val Lewton, Adrian Scott, Mel Ferrer... They all want to help me.

Howard Hughes says I'll be his next Jane Russell.

People see that I'm working, learning, showing up every day - and even with my 50 extra roles that I won't see credit for till long after I've 'made it', they know I'm trying. I'm showing what I've got. I'm learning. They're noticing me.

I hear the warnings from other girls who to stay away from. No matter who they are, we don't play that 'casting couch' game here. We see the girls who do, and they're not one of us. Lela would never allow her into our little theater. Hepburn wouldn't allow her to be a part of her production. Morals stand at RKO, in classic Hollywood, to the many as opposed to the few.

I have a dressing room here. I often sit on my steps and talk to Lucy, Ginger, and Orson - who I can see down the way. They always have nice things to say - seeing as how I finally have a credit. It's one line, but everyone is happy for me. Security gave me the congrats on my way in this morning.

For even one line, RKO is giving me the full treatment. I want to be a star, they said, so they're giving it to me! They called wardrobe, hair, makeup, coaches. Hedda is on her way - she already knows who I am! Introducing... me! My next production, Hedda mentions, she is very excited to see. We spoke about our love her hats this evening - she invited me over her home for dinner this weekend.

My next couple films, the studio says, will have the full treatment. They see my work, the response from the world. The public says that they're waiting for more from me - that is what the studio waited to see. My next film they're writing for me. They're setting me up with the stars, the already established talent, to really help me succeed.

Here at RKO, in classic Hollywood - the studio system doesn't fail. Contract players are grateful. It's a completely different breed of people. The world will never see another set of legends other than the ones RKO made.


Here at RKO, in classic Hollywood - we are the Golden Age. We took chances on each other, believed in everyone, and there was enough room for everyone. Not only is it about making money here - it's about morals, kindness, and love for everyone. Dreams mean something, and they make sure yours are taken to heights you would have never thought possible.    

The Golden Age might be dead - my hero's might be gone - but that doesn't change the fact that I still believe in everything it stood for. That doesn't mean that it isn't my heart.      ♥