Thursday, September 27, 2012


In this crazy business we call a show, I've learned some very important things I wanted to take a couple minutes to share with everyone.

They're not mind blowing, nor are they profound. What they are, is guaranteed.

1- It's most important to develop as a woman first, and a performer second.

2- Know the business behind everything.

3- Don't let go of your morals.

4- Pause, and breathe.

5- Don't spend time stressing about what life will fix for you.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Fate and Puzzles

I'm not sure about much.

Then again, who has the blessing to be 100% sure about anything? Really, truly? I think it's damn near impossible to be sure sure sure when it's more than just a decision involved. When it's your heart, your soul, your destiny, fulfilling a purpose.. That's difficult. When your decision effects every fiber of your being, and it's not just your passions fueling your decisions - its how your life will be lived from them onward.

They say everything is fated. Fate will seal itself over our lives eventually and keep the fears and worries and discouraging days from spilling over. How long does one continue waiting for fate to step in an lend a helping hand?

Also, of course remember - your fate, your make or break moment, your helping hand, your shoulder to lean on could all show itself in one single person. An event. Hang on the end of a 'yes' or 'no' answer, and depending how it's answered, it comes or goes. We all wait for those moments, I think. We all want everything to fit into the shapes the way it was designed so our puzzles can be put together. I know I myself have far too frequently sat and felt like a puzzle who's pieces were all missing, pieced together wrong. Like I knew I had some of the pieces in my hand, but I couldn't figure out how to put them together. Or I was so anxious to have them together that someone squeezed one piece where it didn't belong.

I wish the majority of life was easy. I wish everything came to those who fought for it. I wish the hard working dreamers got their wishes. We're so used to hearing about all the dreamers who are successful, but more times than not - it was a dreamer who had the correct amount of money, a connected relative, a friend of a friend, the right place the right time, it fell into their lap, they had someone suggest it and didn't care - tried it - scored - now love it, took their clothes off for the right person... The common realities are endless. What about the hard working dreamers who try, and try, and try for years and literally give up everything trying, and can't seem to get fate to hand them the correct puzzle piece?

We don't hear about them.

That alone is frustrating. The spiderweb of possibilities, good and bad in this world with fate and destinies - are mind numbing. The ifs, and maybes... Frankly, make me sick. The feeling that things don't seem to change, and the feeling of running in the same circle on the same hamster wheel over and over and over and over and over again... Sickening.

The constant searching for the ways to put your frustrated, broken, sad, confused self together is enough to make anyone completely nuts. We can't give up. I myself have seen and experienced first hand too many people give up their dreams, the things that make up the core essence of their being.

They didn't just give up that dream, no. They had nothing else to live for, so they ended their lives too.

The scary part?

I relate to that.

I can feel and relate to that on a very personal level. I can feel for that decision so closely, it makes me nervous. However, I have chosen long ago to stay on this earth. I have been given the burning desire to do what I do for a reason.

I can't make it go away. I can't ask for it to be taken back. I will never wake up and stop caring. Ignoring it is not an option.

I guess I'll just find peace in sitting impatiently with all the other dreamers who can't stop their passions from controlling their lives, and keep looking for the correct pieces to my puzzle.

If you happen to see Fate walking around, send her my way? I've been looking for some help for awhile...