Saturday, December 22, 2012

Kill for Her

Hey all!

I don't know if I've ever posted solely about a film I was doing... Well, now I am.

This is the most meaningful film I've ever been a part of. It's called 'Kill for Her'.

'Kill for Her' was written by my friend Kyle who killed himself. He always dreamt of being a filmmaker, and had tons of scripts he had written that he left behind.

Kyle's best friend Eric Protiva grabbed 'Kill for Her', called me, and we've been in pre-production for awhile and slated to shoot in late January of 2013!

We're doing this project in Kyle's memory, we have a hash tag on Twitter #InKylesMemory - and we want to raise awareness for mental illness to stop suicide. We also have a hash tag, #StopSuicide.

We're raising money on the films web page to be able to send this film to as many festivals as we have money for. Also, we want to travel to every festival and try to talk to kids in the areas and help them work through struggles and problems they're having. Nothing is that serious to take your life, nothing. We want to let everyone know that.

We also want to share our own stories of pain and darkness, and how we overcame. Eric is a recovered heroin addict, so he has stories to tell also.

Also, with our donations account, we want to take whatever we have left over in the end and donate it animal shelters and organizations. Kyle had requested at his funeral to put the money toward the humane society in his name, so we're doing that with this film for as many as we can in Kyle's name when we're done!

I'm so passionate about the character I'm playing. Clair is an amazing blend of light and dark, good and bad, right and wrong. I love that the audience has to gauge which side she's on at what point in the film. I'm so excited.

I really can't wait to share more of it with you! Keep an eye on the website www.killforher.com and the film's Facebook and Twitter pages also!

We've already been covered by HorrorBug and TrulyDisturbing, Internet horror film news sites. We can't wait to take this film global!

So keep an eye on us! This is going to be an amazing film, we promise.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Newtown, CT

I can't believe this.

I can't get over it.

I woke up to a text from a director friend of mine. Here's the exact text:

"Fuck! Some asshole shoots up elementary school in Connecticut kills 27 kids! I'm tired of this shit!"

I was bleary from just waking up, so I go into the other room to see my parents (because who doesn't go home for Christmas?) sitting around the TV in the family room.

I took one look at my mother, and knew something was very - very - wrong.

I sat myself down and aside from getting coffee didn't move for the next several hours.

Sadly, shootings have become less an less shocking. There have been, what feels like, so many. The violence is shocking, mind numbing and totally confusing.

It's incomprehensible to even begin to try and find out why any of these people do these horrible things. I don't get it, I never will. The majority of normal common sense having human beings try to process a situation in their mind with inspecting every branch off a problem to see what, if any, possible conclusion the said person could have arrived at to do such a thing. Even if we don't understand it.

I can understand psychologically what might drive all of these horrible people to arrive at such a childish and stupid conclusion. It's not right, but I can usually break down events such as this psychologically.

The factors, the people. The delusions, the lack of compassion. The anger they recognize in themselves childishly only as 'being ignored' or wanting to 'be someone'. The 'Why's to that are a million sets of other brain branches, but still - the professionals can walk them with enough puzzle pieces.

It's never okay. Never. To take anyone's life. No one is God. It's never okay to choose to take anyone's life.

I sat and watched for hours. All day. For me, when events like this happen, I have to process. Analyze. Gather information. That, & I guess those couple Law classes I took really stuck with my spirit. I called several friends, talked for hours. Really playing LEO's ourselves in order to, I guess, sort out our own emotions and feelings. To help us better process what we were seeing.

I was numb on Friday. Analyzing and watching, talking it over and reading. Saturday, however, was a totally different story.

Anger hit. Sadness hit. Disbelief hit. Disgust hit.

I felt my heart break into 26 pieces.

...Children?

........REALLY?!

Someone went into a ELEMENTARY SCHOOL and shot 20 SIX AND SEVEN YEAR OLDS?!?

Oh.

My.

God.

I had to go to a business meeting late Saturday afternoon. I was getting ready, with the news in the background. I heard that Emilie Parker's dad was going to say a few words in her honor.

I put my makeup down and sat in front of my TV. I listened to Emilie's dad, I felt his pain. I read the scrolls. I was okay.

Then, they put up Emilie Parker's picture.

I lost it.

I started bawling my eyes out.

Something about seeing that beautiful baby's photograph just slapped me with reality.

Thinking back to the forensic examiner talking about how graphic and nasty the scene of the shooting was. That each of those 20 children had anywhere from 3 to 11 bullets in each of them.

Why, why, why on earth?! How? HOW?! How could anyone look a child in the eyes and do that to them?!

To see Emilie Parker and think that anyone could even think about doing anything like that to her... White hot rage.

Her Dad. Poor dad. Her poor family. All of the children's families. The unbearable pain they must be feeling.

The teachers, the amazing teachers and staff in that school who jumped in front of their students, hid their students, sacrificed for their students. Their children. Murdered trying to save their kids lives.

After Emilie's dad spoke, they showed more photos of more children. I continued to weep, making my makeup efforts null and completely void.

How could anyone do such a thing?

He also shot his mother 4 times in the head?!?! WHAT?! My God, I've been mad at my mother sometimes. Hell, I'm only human. I've screamed at my mother and surely told her I hated her at least once in my lifetime. I've been so angry with her I have fought her physically (if you don't read all of this blog that will seem horrible), but I could NEVER - EVER do anything like that!

I love my mother. I would never be able to do anything to her like that.

I hated my sister in my day, my brother, my siblings. I've fought them too.

As quickly as I can scream at any of them, I would jump in front of anyone to save their lives. They're my heart.

I don't have children, but my first baby - my cat Cuddles - when she passed away, I was beside myself. I couldn't imagine the pain that would be loosing an actual child if it hurt that bad to loose my Cuddles.

I just had to type about this. My heart is broken. I just wish I could hug and love on all those beautiful babies and teachers.

We will never understand why, but we do know they're in Heaven now. God is watching over them, and they're watching over us.

(Photo note: Found it on Twitter of all the children. Don't believe the other children's photos have been released)