It's really crazy how CA operates. Everyone is so in their own world. Everywhere. They're waiting till the very last second to move over 4 lanes and get their exit - not at all concerned or thinking of anyone around them.
Everyone is impatient. Honking horns 5 seconds after a light turns green. Shoving themselves in spaces they don't fit without a blinker anywhere on the road.
They all disregard almost everyone around them, with earbuds in 24/7. Pedestrians walk wherever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want. Bikes go where they shouldn't.
Just because it's legal, doesn't mean it's smart. (Ashley said that should be the state motto.)
And to be honest... I was caught up in all that crap for SO long, too.
So caught up that I didn't even really recognize it until now. How many years later?
It's truly astonishing what happens in your consciousness and the things you observe and notice that you haven't before when you really unwind and just flow. For the most part, anyways.
I was pretty shocked with myself, to be honest. I just looked around the other day, silent, thinking, "...did I really use to be like this?"
Yes. Yes I was.
I'm at the point where I can't stand people anymore. I've realized I generally travel with people who are great grounding energy for me - but, this is the first time that isn't the case.
Ashley, God love her, isn't a communicator at all. It's either silence, or funny jokes and comments. No inbetween. Ever. & that's starting to drive me nuts.
As is my decision making self to her, I'm sure.
Still millions and millions times better than when I lived with my soul sister out here, but still. Doesn't help that I've cut back on smoking, and I still have grief to process.
Driving past where Jared jumped tears me up every time. & knowing Kyle should be here, too. Hurts.
In other news:
I'm happy to say my good deed for the day involved me desperately trying to save a dog running around the busy main roads in Pasadena.
Thank GOD everyone stopped. It was at a huge intersection, and I see this dog just booking it.
A HUGE truck slammed on its breaks, thank GOD - I couldn't have seen anything else. I just couldn't have.
I flipped a mean turn where I shouldn't have in an attempt to follow the dog and get it in the car. Damage fees be damned - I would get this dog back to its owner. I know how distraught I would have been.
That fucker was fast.
I tried following it and it took off down another intersection and a bunch of residential areas.
I drove around for a bit trying to find the pup, but I lost him. Insert extremely sad face.
If my prayers are answered, that dog found its way home safely.
Some more news:
I met up with the amazing Holly Fulger, finally! Holly is The Hollywood Beauty Detective, if you didn't know!
Let me be the first to say, she is the nicest - kindest - sweetest woman!
Not only is she providing the world with life saving, necessary entertainment and programming - but she is so kind!
I heard more nice things from her about me and who I am and what I do and have done than anyone I've ever met, or have known very closely and personally.
It's an understatement to say that I am honored and super excited to have been invited to join Holly and her crew when they begin filming for 'The Hollywood Beauty Detective'! I truly can't wait. And it means more to me than I can ever explain to be a part of something so wonderful. Something that reframes beauty and will surely help improve the quality of countless lives.
To be invited to be involved in absolutely any capacity, as I've said, to say I'm honored and excited is an understatement.
That, and to be seen - really seen - and acknowledged - for who I am and what I do, by a woman who has done and still does so much on this industry... Restores my faith. In a big way. Not even just in life, but in everything I am trying to do personally.
We had a long talk about what I'm trying to do, and how I'm trying to do it. She gave me valuable pointers, sage advice, and I could feel her sincerity when she said, "If you need any help, I'm here."
Her belief in me has definitely increased my faith and belief in myself, for sure.
It helps me know I'm on the right path. That I'm not just aimlessly chugging along. She told me, "What you do, what you're doing, they have classes for that. People take classes to figure it out, and you've figured it out on your own. That's truly remarkable."
All kinds of high vibrations.
And again, to be invited along her journey in any capacity... Wow. Makes me feel good, and inspired to work super hard. Her cause, her show, her vision and message that is hers and hers alone is something I believe in so much, too.
Makes me want to work super hard to help her and her team, however I can. Because, really, that's what filmmaking should be. People helping people. Seeing their passions and hard work and reaching out.
Not to mention, seeing good people - really good, genuinely good people succeed... It puts all the pep in my step.
She had mentioned two of her friends (in high places) that she had dinner with the night before we met, she had said, "...I was telling them all about you."
Like... Wow. I've just never had someone believe in me that much.
Again, inspires me. Makes me believe in myself. Makes me realize that I am doing the right thing, the right way.
Let me take a moment to take a deep breath and appreciate. Be grateful.
The other night, Ashley and I went for a stroll in a little village place. It was night, dark, desolate. Most stores were closed.
It was interesting, that when I went to walk past a little coffee shop or diner that wasn't closed, how the energy just ramped up.
How I could look at all the people sitting outside and be zoned in instantly.
Bam - first date.
Bam - they're mad at each other.
Bam - she's nervous.
Bam - he's stressed out.
Bam - they're bored and wanting to get away from each other.
Bam - they wanna go home.
...then gone just as soon as it came as I walk away.
There was one interesting person, a man I think, who was sitting in a car by himself down the road eating an ice cream cone.
I felt sad. I don't know if that was me feeling sad for him, or his honest sadness, but it was sad.
From what I saw, his body language reflected as 'deflated'. Or that's what I got, anyways.
Just by himself. Car off. Parked. Eating ice cream. Half way away from the little town, in the dark.
He didn't have a phone out. Didn't have music on. All alone.
I thought, "I wonder if that's something Jared or Kyle did before they killed themselves."
I had half a mind to knock on his window and just start a chat.
Just so he wasn't alone. Just so he knew someone saw him. Cared.
What I would have said, I have no idea.
How much I would have said before he either drove away or called the cops, I don't know either.
You also couldn't just do that in Detroit. That's a quick way to get shot.
I moved along. Remembering that so many here are truly in their own world. I wouldn't wanna disturb that, or be seen as intrusive.
I sent as many good vibes as I could, and moved along. Minding my own business.
All in all - the good, or slightly irritating has all been good.
I'm in a refreshed place.
I learned so many things about myself, & the person I once was. Things I've never realized before.
Overall, so far, it has renewed in me a desire to keep my head up - eyes to the world - and heart in as many lives as I can.