It really was, a lovely day.
Life has a purpose! Every part of it.
But... I find people very... Interesting.
Ladies, we all know what it means when some dude says something like, "So, the other day when I sent you that text, you took a couple days to answer. It kind of pissed me off."
1) Someone thinks you owe them things, like a text.
2) Someone is catching feelings.
3) Someone doesn't grasp concepts such as 'I have a life' or 'Some people really don't keep their phone around all the time'.
4) All of the above.
Energetically, there has been weird air surrounding said individual whose name I won't air here. And when asked if said individual was catching feelings, said individual said they had a crush on me for some time but was aware it wasn't going anywhere.
Here's what's troubling:
The no response pissed said person off.
Those were their words.
Uh... Sorry bout it, but we know that's some weird possessive shit. No one in my entire life says that, with anger behind it, without also feeling like they deserve that from you. Like, how dare you. Answer me.
And a couple other red flag things were said that weren't seen by said individual as anything worthy of upset or concern on my part at all. Just things said individual thought are 'normal' and 'whatever'.
Even more troubling.
Then, said individual says, "Don't worry, I won't like stalk you or anything."
...who says that?
And I know said individual reads my blog so - sorry, bro. It's fucking weird and creepy, and I told you so.
It was whatever until after the initial conversation, and spirit just kept making me feel uneasy about it. I didn't like the lingering feeling, so I let said individual know we will be taking an indefinite break from our friendship.
The only people, in my entire life, I have ever had say something like that and have that similar conversation with me regarding a missed text or call were:
1) Men who wanted to sleep with me, and got angry I was ignoring them/clearly didn't feel the same.
2) My Dad, concerned for my safety.
3) Someone I'm working with, and there is a deadline on work.
4) Men that somehow get my number and text me and when I don't answer, I get the text about how I'm a fucking bitch three days later.
That. Is. It.
So, I know what it is. Please believe I know what it is. Very clear.
Hopefully I can keep enough peaceful distance and silence until this dude detaches any and all feelings that were once associated with me.
I've never liked that, either. The second some dude thinks I even owe him something as small as a text that is not feeding me, fucking me, or financing me... Ghost. I get gone SUPER fast.
Because it's weird, and alarming. And weird.
Because those types of concerns only usually come from people who are either feeding you, fucking you, or financing you.
Or, people who want to.
*shrug* Sorry not sorry!
And, everything aside, I think this is necessary for said individual. Dude has some issues going on in his life that he needs serious solitude to get on track. He needs to, in other words, figure his life out. And he knows it.
...hopefully, I have made it crystal clear in the nicest way possible that it's never going to happen. Nothing will. So, I hope he loses that notion quick.
And, just because I'm a 26 year old woman living my own life, and we know how the world is for us right now, my lawyers know about it and so does every cop I know. Including my neighbors.
I am still an independent film actress and producer who knows to be safe. Safety first.
Never know! You really never know.
& I don't ever just take one step - I take 400. I don't think this person would ever hurt a fly, but - then again - upset because I didn't answer a text. So... Weird.
Said individual kept saying, "Sorry, didn't mean to freak you out."
I don't know how to relay to people that say stuff like that that they're just rationalizing a reaction for how it best suits them emotionally.
I'm not freaked out, I'm just not stupid. It's weird, and it doesn't feel right. It's odd. Again, misplaced and ... Weird.
& I don't stick around for weird. Weird is weird. I like normal, and peace. And quiet, and alone.
I guess I can honestly say I'm like a man.
I really am like a dude. I am way, way more male than female in these departments.
I can't do emotions like that. I just can't.
I can't with someone who isn't feeding me, fucking me, or financing me.
I would be glad to deal with all those things if I loved said dude and wanted to be with said dude. But... Not the case here. Just isn't.
Like how some dudes, if a woman even blinks at them in a flirty way they're like, "Oh no!" And they dip out? I'm not that bad, but I'm close.
I've been hanging out with my boys and had some girl send a questionably flirty text, and they freaked out and dropped her like a fly. Sad, especially since girls are back and forth with the blink of an eye sometimes in emotions. She probably didn't mean it. Or, if she did, wouldn't in a day.
But I know that dudes don't do that. And when they do, it's weird.
Jared got kind of the same way with me for awhile. Like, we're just friends bro - we're just friends.
How do I live?
If a guy says, "Hey, I like you."
I will say, "Sorry bro" if there's no way in Hell it'll ever happen - BUT - I will say, "Good. I like you, too" if I do.
I'm very forward. I may even say it first.
Well, depending I suppose.
But Jared got all weird on me, too. And I can't play that emotional bullshit. I just can't.
There were several times Jared was like, "Why didn't you call back" or "Why didn't you answer me" or "Why did you move? I'm bothering you? If I'm bothering you just say so" like WOAH WHAT THE FUCK?
Yeah. Can't do it.
It irritates me, and it's weird red flags.
And I know it's a sign someone is taking something the wrong way, or communication isn't helping in killing someone's weird fantasy.
I remember with Jared, random as shit one time he said, "So, I wonder when we'll have our first kiss."
What in the fuck?! Who the hell said anything about that?! We're not dating, we're not even kind of dating or seeing each other... What?!
Mind completely blown.
He got all upset and weird and it made me feel weird and he kept over analyzing everything I said and thinking I meant 50 different things than I did... Fucking weird.
Weird. It's all weird.
I don't get humans.
These emotion things... It's weird.
& I'm not saying men can't have emotions. They most certainly can. Just... Can they be less weird in delivery and presentation?
& this, today, from someone I've never even met in person?
I trust the gut. And the energetic air feels better around it all just from taking a big break from things.
And, again, the world is multifaceted. The reasons for something are 30 fold. Always are.
I know that said dude needs to be separated from some people now. Needs time to really, I suppose, take some spiritual teachings of peace and harmony and self-love that only he can apply for himself, and do it. By himself, for himself. Without me present at all, in any way.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
When the lesson is over, the student needs to independently apply it. The teacher must leave.
Kind of the same thing.
He's got a lot of things to work on within himself. And, as everyone knows, no one gets anything truly and completely done in the way it's meant to be done with other people there that are crutches that they can excuse away somehow.
It's time for some independent time for said individual. He's got a great support system anyways, he's fine.
No one should ever need anyone else, anyways. That is also weird.
& since I'm sure said individual will read this: Don't look for something that isn't here, man. It's flat. It is what it is. No more, no less. Leave it at what it is. Do YOU. Take this as a sign from the world to work on yourself. For yourself, by yourself. Actually do stuff. Make all those goals and shit and do them.
Don't over analyze. Don't pick apart. Don't look for a problem. There isn't one. Just do you. Make it positive, keep it peaceful.
Actually, just genetically, for all... I need to focus on some other stuff, too. I really do. There was a slight commitment involved, and for now it's better to just keep it professional. I'm an independent individual, and I have some me-work I'd like to focus on anyways.
I've been getting intuitive nudges to do more on my own business side, and I think it's time I do so!
I love it! More time for work. I fucking love work. Career work, and self work. I fucking love it!
See! Many beautiful reasons!
With the supermoon the other night, it feels right. New stuff! Yahoo!
I love it.
To the additional readers,
Peace to everyone!
Really. Peace. Let's all keep the fucking peace and go meditate and find zen, for the love of God.