Sunday, June 26, 2016

Saw Sissy in a Wendy's.

So I really have no clue what my dream last night was.

I wasn't thinking of Sissy (Marilyn), I didn't watch anything she was on, I didn't see her anywhere.

So, weird.

Also, no, I didn't go to a Wendy's. No one I know went to a Wendy's that day. I don't even live by a fucking Wendy's. There isn't any Wendy's stimuli anywhere.

So in this dream, I am driving down the road. Weird road, busy. Like a road in LA.

There's this older gold car that was driving up toward me, coming my way in the opposite lane.

I see that Sissy is in the drivers seat. At that time, the sun (or a spotlight) shined on her. Super bright. Head to toe, clearly, Sissy.

She pointed to her right, wanting me to follow her.

She pulled into a parking lot.

Next thing I remember, I'm walking into a Wendy's and I see Sissy standing in line. She was wearing a blue dress, short, made out of what looked like dark blue jean fabric.

She saw me and held her arms out, "Honey!"

"Hey you!"

First hug I ever got from her. 

Gave her a super huge hug. She's taller than me (who isn't), smelled really pretty. 

That's all I remember before my cat Luna jumped on my face and woke me up. 

She very clearly wanted me to be awake, and it was something like 6am.

Nope.

Went back to bed, and I saw my cat Cuddles who passed away jumping on a couch. 

I said 'Hi' to her and walked past, then woke up.

It was weird.

In other news:

YouTube is going well.

I'm having a bit of a career crisis that I need to take time and counsel my guides and Jonathan and the Angels for. 

I don't want to say much because I don't really know where I am with it. Emotionally, mentally, physically. I don't really know where I sit.

There's a lot that I'm doing that isn't in my heart, not a part of my soul, that I have to do right now or I don't work at all. There's a lot that I'm doing that I don't like doing. That's tiring me. That's irritating me. There's a lot that I'm doing by myself. I don't really want to nor am I able to do/continue to do this stuff by myself. 

There's a lot I see on the horizon, in the future, I'm not sure I can sign up for. I want to sign up for. Or, I know for sure I can navigate independently. 

I'm not sure if that's coloring my debacle or not, but... I need to figure things out. 

I don't even know how I feel about feeling the 'have to figure it out' thing.

*sigh*

Yeah, I need to sit and wait for guidance and advice from my guides. 

I'm pretty sure that's why I saw Sissy. 

They start filtering in at odd angles little by little before they lay some advice and answers on me. Or advice anyhow.

I stay open, I relax (it's a process), I wait.

When patience is a virtue one is still working to attain, that shit is hard.

I'm at a real toss-up.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is what surrender (detachment) feels like...

...but if it is, why is it tinted very faintly with sadness? 

*another sigh*

We shall see what happens, I guess. 

Life is fairly pleasant otherwise. 

I truly enjoy my moments. I am sitting at the seat of my soul, watching miracles happen every day. In and around my life. Working on keeping my humanity in check, my emotions balanced, and my anxiety about certain uncontrollables managed realistically. With the remembrance of reality, and that it isn't controllable.

Blah.

Okay, bored now. 

Peace, love, light & positivity.  

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Here we go...

So...

...had some interesting revelation the other night. 

Or, well, intervention anyways.

To keep this super short, the two nights before the Orlando shooting with Christima Grimmie and at Pulse, I was nauseated as fuck. 

Never happens to me. 

Occasionally when I'm on my period, but never like this.

The night of, about 9p, this horrifying migraine started. 

I don't ever usually get headaches. Never like this. Maybe sinus pressure headaches, but nothing like this.

Then, I find out about Christina. Then, I find out about Pulse. Then, I find out a friends friends sister had an aneurism and died that same night at about 11p.

...whaaaatttt....

That's clairsentiance. 

Me no likey.

I feel depressed before shit happens, sick, sad. That's all it ever is attributed to.

I don't really dig it. I'm not a fan of being sick or sad and not knowing why. Of feeling other people's feelings and not knowing why or where they're coming from. I don't really like that.

I didn't like seeing energy, that's why I stopped that Lisa Williams book I had. 

I just... I'm not a fan of how spirit or 'ghostly' things are manifesting. 

So I went to bed the other night, and I hear this voice in my head. Sounded like my voice, but wasn't. 

It said, basically, the reason that's happening to me like it is is because I have the other channels closed. 

Back when this first started happening to me, I saw angels clear as day. I saw a lady clear as day. I heard a lot of stuff, had really insane dreams... Everything. 

Then, this shadow guy (I mention on this Monday's episode of my YouTube series #TheMagicOf) ruined it. I slammed all the doors to whatever gift shut, I got scared, I panicked.

I have had a really hard time with it since.

I get pieces of other stuff, but nothing like I use to.

They said that since I closed the valve, so to speak, on the other gifts - that the energy and potential to do whatever the hell it is I can do - is flowing to other channels.

Hence my depression for random reasons, feeling random stuff, all that.

It clicked, like, "No shit. I guess that makes sense."

Hmm.

Well, okay then.

I had a talk with Johnathan (one of my guardian angels) and the archangels...

(Oddly enough, I was doing an angel card read from Doreen's Angel Tarot decks before this)

...afterward and told them that if it means I need to move this energy to other channels, I've got to. Because I can't do this this way anymore. I don't like it.

I've always been told whatever I do will get stronger, and I guess this is the catalyst.

I just need to release fear again, and completely trust and have faith. 

I did before. Back when I was only talking to Lucy and Marilyn and stuff, people I in some way knew and trusted. Because I knew who the were, by googling or whatever I could find out. Other people and things... Not so much.

So, it's kind of scary. 

But, I feel confident that I can do this. I'm being guided to, and keeping it real... I got to. 

Right now, my Grandma and I are watching Bob Ross. 

So, there's a lot of it that's awesome and majority is fun and light and love. That's what I have to remember. 

Also, I don't think I need to do crazy stuff. I don't need to sit and meditate and focus on opening whatever. I just need to allow, and trust, and focus on love. 

Didn't do anything fantastic before. Nothing at all. Just happened.

*sigh*

Here we go. 

The actress/filmmaker/producer/YouTuber who also happens to occasionally chat with dead people. 

Never seen that before have ya? 

Peace and Love, friends.

Monday, June 6, 2016

The Magic Of #TheMagicOf

I have to say that my YouTube series has been taking off, and it's beautiful.

I can't even begin to describe how amazing and truly touching it is to be able to have such wonderful, deep conversations with people.

Often times, most real people will message you and post long stuff. It's rare a real person (not a marketing bot) posts something like 'OMG ILY' randomly. Rare. 

I've been getting tons of private messages from people (mostly Tumblr) sharing such deep stories and just thanking me for the show and everything.

You can see some of the conversations with some folks on my Instagram. Some parts of stories and names removed for privacy, obviously. 

My intention in posting them at all and talking about it at all is to remind us all how not alone we are. How many other people struggle too, and are works in progress as well.  

I can't even begin... It truly just makes me want to cry. 

I know what it was like to be in the dark. With nothing and no one. 

I know what it's like to turn so many places and feel unwelcome everywhere.

I don't want that to continue with me. I want people to be able to laugh and be inspired at the same time - not bored to tears. 

And lots of the deep inspiration is lost on people who are still really struggling and suffering. They won't even bother with an hour meditation.

But they're laugh at something and let some piece of inspiration seep through. 

I am truly moved. 

To anyone who has shared a conversation with me: Know you have changed my life as much as you say I have yours. 

I'm not perfect either. 

But your stories and sheer transparency with me, trusting me with it... Means for to me than anyone could ever possibly understand. 

In spirit news:

Saw some dude in a red and blue checkered robe the other day. White shirt under it.

Heard someone say, "I'm gonna be fired from Saint Ibetza"? I know it was Saint and then whatever sounds like that. Some word sounding similar.

Welp, news for you... If I'm hearing you, chances are your concerns are beyond being fired. 

Also heard "I hope I'm smoking a cigarette."

Couldn't tell if they were different people or the same people. 

*shrug* 

Spirit is one big puzzle. 

Thought I would share.

Hope everyone's nights are fantastic! 

XO

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Walks, Spirit & Sissy.

It's been awhile.

Happy to report everything is on the up and up. I'm super happy and super peaceful. Everything is quite wonderful.

I'm really excited about my next several weeks of videos. Diving into spirit! With past lives, my love Wendy who is a professional and well known psychic medium, and more!

One of the things I believe I am here to do is bridge the gap between 'sensitive people who see and hear things' and 'normal people who don't and have other professions'. I'm partially both.

I'm an actor and filmmaker, but I'm also a sensitive person who sees, feels and hears things. 

I'm both. And that's normal. That's the new normal. That's much more common.

There is never anything to be afraid of as long as you're safe and know how to protect yourself and so forth. Clean chakras with reiki, all that jazz.

It's really pretty awesome. I'm blessed.

I also have to say that I am super blessed and grateful to be welcome to connect with my amazing viewers, my friends and family, on such a personal level. You guys have been sending me personal stories of pain and trauma, walking me through some of your memories and history you haven't told many if any. 

You guys, each and every one of you, ground me. I am honored to be welcome to speak with you. I am honored to know you. I am honored that you watch my show every week and truly enjoy it. You'll never know how much your enthusiasm and passion invigorates me. I make each episode with extreme love and passion for each and every one of you.

It's interesting how most deep connections are often times private and silent. 

I will continue to read your private messages and emails, and I WILL respond to each. I have always aspired to be a full human being. Not someone who just passes over messages and emails, but someone who truly engages. Person to person.

One day I'm sure I won't be able to do that with every single person, and it may take longer to respond, but I will do it. Some way, some how.

Unless you're some creepy pervert. Then, fuck you ya dirty bastard. Ew.

Otherwise...

...you're a human. I'm a human. There will never be any difference. Ever.

I was moved to tears today by some of your stories. I am just, speechless. I have the best group of friends around. You enable me to live my dreams, and you share yours with me. 

I'm humbled. 

Intense gratitude today. 

Beyond that, during my beautiful walk today I made some fun discoveries. 

I was with a friend in her neighborhood, and it's very old. A historical town. Old houses and even older history. 

Down this one street I caught the vibes of this dude in the back of a house all pissed off and angry at what the people living there did to the backyard.

A couple houses down, there was a woman in one house and a man in the house across the street who were having an affair. Circa 1800s.

They were both married. 

<gasp>

The street use to be dirt, caught a couple horse and buggy type things going by a couple other roads.

One super old house which I fell in love with but had really clean energy, which is rare and a hugely awesome sign. 

My friend isn't someone who believes or cares too much about that type of stuff so I never say anything. Just have my personal experiences. 

Everyone was very nice. Nothing dark or negative at all. 

Today is Sissy's birthday. Happy 90th!

She is one of the sweetest spirits. So kind and loving when she never had to be. I am grateful to know her.

Spirit comes back for birthdays and holidays and big events like weddings and things without you having to call them. They're always there, but, you know what I mean. They're always there when you ask (if they want to be) - but on birthdays and big events and stuff, they drop by with or without your asking.

I'm not her biological family so it's not like she's coming by for me, but I'm just wishing her a Happy Birthday. (& so is the rest of the universe lol).

I love you so much Sissy. Seriously, thank you for everything you do.

Oddly enough, I'm wearing a t-shirt with Mumsie and Aunt Viv on it. She gets a kick out of me calling her Mumsie, so from now on Mumsie it is. 

Every time I would see Sissy, Mumsie would be right there too. Especially in California. Especially when I went to her grave. 

Mumsie (I'm getting sick of typing that now) use to guide me in, out, to and from any and all auditions. On every lot. In every corner or dark alley. So did JJ but, yeah.

I love spirit. 

How do you go back from that beauty? It's pretty fucking awesome.

I'm grateful.

Rendering and uploading videos all day/night today/tonight. Joy. 

I am still grateful.

Hope all is well with everyone. 

XO